Four Letter Nerd

From The Nerdery – Lando’s Patriarch, Eastwood’s Batman, and Parent/Child Civil Nerd-War

Welcome, once again, to another installment of The Nerdery. Here, we answer your questions with logic, reason, class and sometimes a complete disregard of of everything I just mentioned.

Our Nerd of the Week goes to Brooks Russel. Son, and nerd-in-training, to our very own Cody Russell.

This past week Brooks got to live out his Make-a-Wish by traveling to Disney World, and getting to meet and hang out with some of his favorite superheroes. Way to go Brooks! Stay Nerdy pal!

Now, on to the Nerdery…

Nathan – “Is Lando Calrissian the son of Captain Panaka (since Mace presumably never hooked up with anyone). If not, possible alternatives?”

That would make an interesting episode of whatever the Star Wars equivalent of Maury is – who is Lando’s father? Panaka is not shown to have had any children. Actually, after his service to Queen Amidala, he became extremely loyal to not-quite-yet-Emperor-Palpatine and led the Royal Security Forces. He even became a Moff (a provincial governor) of the Chommel Sector later in life, so it is unclear if he even had a child at all.

If we are going solely on race, another candidate would be Panaka’s nephew, Captain Typho (the guy with the eye patch), but he isn’t the father either.

The Star Wars extended universe has never stated who Lando’s father was, although in the non-canonical LEGO Star Wars: the Yoda Chronicles, his father is shown to be Lindo Calrissian, who modified the Millennium Falcon into a traveling nightclub (because why not?), and was voiced by Billy Dee Williams.

With the lack of possible candidates due to the majority of the characters being white (or teddy bears with spears), I have to assume that Lando was born in a laboratory, in which a mad scientist tried to fuse sexuality, self-indulgence, a love of silk capes, and desire together and a Barry White album fell into the mix causing the infamous Lando to step out of the test tube and immediately make eyes at all the females in the immediate vicinity.

– Cam


Nate – “If you could choose any actor from before 1980 to portray a superhero in today’s movies, who would it be and which hero? Not looking for just personal opinion, but an actor you feel would truly personify the hero like today’s counterpart has.”

I think Clint Eastwood would have made a killer Batman, especially in today’s climate. He is intimidating enough without the addition of the cowl. Throw that in with is gritty voice and piercing eyes, and you would have a physically imposing, dark, Batman. I don’t think he could pull off the billionaire playboy persona of Bruce Wayne like Christian Bale did, but he could definitely show the more somber, world-weary, Bruce, similar to what they are supposedly doing with Affleck. There were rumors a while back that he was set to play an aging Bruce Wayne in a Batman Beyond movie, but that never materialized. – Cam

I had originally thought about Mr. Eastwood myself, but I was thinking of him more as a Nick Fury. He’s always had that cold, I’m-the-man-in-charge-and-I-don’t-f**k-around attitude. That’s very old-school Nick Fury. But I also really wanna express how amazing a 70′ exploitation-style Heroes-for -Hire film would have been, with Jim Brown as Luke Cage/Power Man and Chuck Norris as Danny Rand/Iron Fist. OH. MY. GOD. I don’t even know if there wards to describe how BRILLIANT it would have been, watching those two toss dudes around like garbage bags full of old clothes. It’s would have been out-of-sight. A real funky flick. Ya dig? – Stephen

I think James Dean would make an awesome Hal Jordan. I think he would have been able to pull off the ladies man role. He would be awesome to watch struggle with the power and reason-ability of being a Lantern. Hal is an all around cool guy who doesn’t always think his actions out well enough when it comes to his love life, and for that I think James would make an awesome Green Lantern. Also, I think Vincent Price would be an AMAZING Sinestro. I think it would just be creepy as hell to see Vincent Price with a yellow ring. Fear is what the yellow rings run on, and who better to use fear then the classic master of it! Plus, he already had the glorious mustache. – Bill


Marie – “How do you think you’d handle it, if your kid grew up to be a different kind of nerd than you?”

I would let him know that he is his own person, and that he can choose his interests how he pleases. If he likes Star Trek more than Star Wars, or thinks that Aquaman is a legitimate choice when it comes to choosing your favorite superhero, then that is his choice and I respect that. Unless he decides that he wants to be a Juggalo, in which case I would immediately disown him, write him out of my will, and probably take up alcoholism. – Cam

It’s hard for me to answer a question about my kids being a different kind of nerd then me. I don’t have any, but if I had a son and he ended up actually liking Hulk and playing WoW, I would be a little concerned. I would ask myself “where did my wife and I go wrong?” “Can I pray the Hulk Away?” “Why did he pick Hulk over Captain America, I would even be fine with Iron Man, and I hate Iron Man…” My biggest fear though, is he’ll be a bronie. I don’t know what I’ll be if that happens. If my son ends up that guy at a card shop who is over weight at 32 wearing a My Little Ponies beanie and playing magic… we’ll, I’ll be playing against him. BUT when we go to Cracker Barrel after, we sit a separate tables. – Bill

I’m a comic book nerd. There’s no denying that. For  a while my oldest son, who’s 6, has been super into comic books with me. They’ve been very helpful in his reading comprehension and development. As of late he’s starting to claim that he’s not “into comic books anymore”. Now maybe he’s just saying that to be dramatic and get attention, or maybe he means it. Whatever the case, he’s his own person and he’ll eventually decided what outlet of nerdom, if any, is where he feels most comfortable. My dad, and his dad… not nerds. I have no idea where my nerdyness comes from, but both my brother and I are very much into comic books. Nerd is not hereditary. It’s like religion, or politics, any other system of opinion and belief. You either fall in line with what the “man of the house” is doing, or you rebel against it. Right now, my 6 year old claims to be doing the latter. But, luckily for me, there’s two more right behind him that may love comics as much as me. Who knows. If they all grow up to be nerdily obsessed with something else, that’s cool. As long as their nerd-obsession isn’t, and doesn’t become, something that’s mentally and or emotionally harmful to themselves or others, I’m just gonna be proud that they found something that makes them as happy as comics have made me. – Stephen


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Stephen Andrew

Stephen has spent most of his life reading comics, watching horror movies, listening to death metal music, and speaking in the third person. His favorite comic book character is The Punisher, and he believes that the Punisher: War Zone movie is criminally underrated. His favorite film of all-time is National Lampoon's Vacation, and his favorite album is Pantera's "The Great Southern Trendkill".

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Oh man, the answer to the Lando question was a lot more informative than I was expecting. My real point was more to why Star Wars just hardly has any black men. Maybe since space is cold, and with hockey as a reference, Lucas assumed black people wouldn’t be out there. But come on, how are there so many white people on Tatooine? Preposterous! Didn’t know Typho was Panaka’s nephew. Even more to the point if the only other two black guys in the galaxy are related, Lando has to be in the mix. I think they were the first three attempts from Darth Plagueis to create life just using the Force. But then you get into the whole dark side/light side and it just opens a whole nother can of racist worms. A whole nother!

    Eastwood as Fury would be awesome. I’d like to Marilyn Monroe as Mystique. Hells yeah! And Bob Hope as the Joker.

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