Four Letter Nerd

Superhero-Movie Hate or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying About Irrelevant Awards Shows And Just Love Movies

You may have happened to notice yesterday that there was a significant amount of talk about people making “negative comments” about superhero films. At the 2015 Independent Spirit Awards (the awards ceremony for people who make REAL movies as opposed to the ones who, you know, actually make money), “Nightcrawler” director Dan Gilroy made this statement in his acceptance speech for Best First Feature (if that’s an actual award a person can win then I think I deserve an award for Best Use Of A String Of Expletives While Cleaning The Lint Trap Of A Dryer):

“Independent film, the foundation and everybody here today, I think are holdouts against a tsunami of superhero movies that have swept over this industry. We have survived and we have thrived and I think that’s true spirit.” – Dan Gilroy, Man Who Has Made ONE Movie

First off, Gilroy’s wife Rene Russo, has played Frigga, Thor’s mother, in both Thor films, so that’s kind of like a guy who benefits from their spouse making a shit-ton of money working for Nabisco but bitches that there’s too much hype about Oreo cookies. Like, f–k you dude. Oreo’s are AMAZING. I’m not gonna say you’re a terrorist if you don’t like Oreo’s, I’m just saying that terrorists don’t like Oreo’s…

Secondly, you’ve made one movie man. ONE. I once worked a security job for a week but I wouldn’t presume that gives me the right to tell the secret service how to do their jobs when they “remove me from the premises”, no matter how bad I want to share my “Avengers Initiative” proposal with the president.

“No, Nick Fury is not a real person. How the hell did you get this number?! Did Kanye give it to you?!”

I shouldn’t be too hard on Gilroy though. After all, he is responsible for CO-writing some great independent films throughout the years. Such as Chasers, The Borne Legacy, and Real Steel… hard-hitting, deeply-emotional independent films that deserve the utmost respect and admiration.

Starring Tom Berenger, a women with no pants (cause all the quality independent films feature pantless women), and a younger, thinner Tim Heidecker.

 

The other “shot” people are abuzz about is the one Jack Black supposedly took at superhero movies during the SCRIPTED opening number at the Oscars. Here it is in case you missed it… Jack’s part starts at about 3:20.

It’s going to seem strange, but I’m actually about to defend what happened there. See, first and foremost, I believe that comedy has no limits. Zero. Even if it’s mocking something I love. However… that’s not entirely what’s happening here.

I’m going to explain the nature of the satire here by quoting (an ACTUAL independent film director) Kevin Smith. On his first “An Evening With Kevin Smith” Q&A special, he’s asked by an audience member about why Jason Lee’s character in Chasing Amy says, “All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin’.” His response, in my opinion, shows his true intelligence as a writer. You need to watch the entire segment for yourself to really understand how brilliant he is, but he what he says is this, “We have the idiot character in the movie, Banky, say that, hence deflating the argument. Don’t you see, we put those words into the guy who’s always wrong in the movie.”

That’s exactly what this is, nerds and geeks. This is the Oscar writing team having the ridiculous and aggressive character (played flawlessly by Mr. Jack Black) say the thing that is ridiculous and aggressive in order to mock the attitude. Jack, and the people of the Oscars, don’t actually think that, they’re just humorously, ironically panning that behavior. It almost satire of what one Dan Gilroy said huh?

“But Stephen, this is CLEARLY a man whose every word should be taken seriously…”

But hey, I’m just a stupid blogger on a soapbox who has no real legitimate ground to stand on ridiculing people for their opinions. How about I just let James Gunn, writer and director of last year’s biggest movie, say it more eloquently:

So what have we learned so far kids? Well, (1.) we’ve learned that you should probably make more than 1 independent film before pretentiously declaring that you’re a member of the “Independent Filmmaker Elitists of America Movement” and (2.), as much as I disrespect industry award shows, the Oscars proved they could actually make a pretty good joke taking to task all the a–holes out there who complain about the current landscape of Western Cinema.

Besides, how could you accuse the Oscars of being anti-superheroes when literally the best part of the ANY OSCAR SHOW EVER happened at this one and it featured Batman!

You’ll noticed that in that last paragraph I touched on the fact that I do not respect the Oscars, or any industry award show. I used to. I used to watch them all every year. But then I saw the light. I now find them to be incestuous and not worthy of our time and attention in society. See, when any other large corporation holds their company awards ceremony, no one gives a s–t. You don’t care if Dave from Accounts beats Gary from Sales to get the Employee of the Year award at Kellogg’s yearly Employee Appreciation Gala. See, you didn’t even know that wasn’t a real thing. Hell, I made it up and I’m not sure it ISN’T a real thing. We don’t care because even though we love Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks we could genuinely care less about Dave and Gary. The value their co-workers place on their contributions to the company are decided by those peers and ONLY those peers. It’s completely irrelevant to what cereal you choose when your trying to get out of Kroger quickly because of course you got a cart with a broken wheel and my children pull things off the shelves and shove them into the cart faster than I can take them out and put them back and I just want the night to come so I can drown my sorrows in a… uh… you catch my drift I think.

Just like this adorable baby, you’re probably wondering what the point of all this has been, and you’d both be completely justified in your lack of confidence that I have had an actual goal this entire time. Well, I have, so f— you guys.

My point is, after mocking Danny G. and then defending an institution I in no way grant credibility to, that your love of movies is defined by nothing and no one except you. Love what you love. Other people aren’t always going to, but instead of wasting time arguing with them and being an unintentional megaphone for their negativity spend your time finding people who share your same love of film (or comics, or music, or whatever you’re in to, just as long as it isn’t crime…?) and talk about what you love in a friendly environment. There’s a bible verse people like to throw around that says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Those people would probably try to use some variation of that here and say, “Well, it’s good to have healthy disagreement discussions with others.” And those people are absolutely correct. But if the other person refuses to listen to reason then cut them out of your life and never talk to them again because they don’t know what good movies are and that’s exactly what Jesus would do.

“…This douche blogger, for being an arrogant, self-righteous prick.” “Really?! I have so many people to thank! I’d like to start with Mr. Dan Gilroy…”

 

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Stephen Andrew

Stephen has spent most of his life reading comics, watching horror movies, listening to death metal music, and speaking in the third person. His favorite comic book character is The Punisher, and he believes that the Punisher: War Zone movie is criminally underrated. His favorite film of all-time is National Lampoon's Vacation, and his favorite album is Pantera's "The Great Southern Trendkill".

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