Four Letter Nerd

Terrible Comic Book Friends – Gambit

As I talked about in the first issue of Terrible Comic Book Friends, we all have “those” friends, ones we really don’t like, but hangout with because they are in our social group. Friends of Friends, a friends roommate, or a friends significant other. There are tons of different reasons why you might have to be around a terrible friend, and Eddie Brock A.K.A Venom was the type of friend that would just be your typical gym rat, frat boy type of guy, but who else would be a terrible friend in the comic book world? I originally thought that Bruce Wayne/Batman would be a terrible friend, but after talking with Stephen Andrew, we fell into agreement that Wayne would make up never being able to hangout by buying you some super expensive gift and taking you to the nicest restaurant in Gotham for either brunch, or just a fancy lunch. After thinking a bit longer about who would be terrible friends, that’s when it hit me.

Remy Etienne LeBeau. Better known as, Gambit.

Gambit

 

Gambit is one of the sleaziest, selfish, and arrogant people in the Marvel Universe, hell, I would rank him right aside Red Skull as just a terrible person in general. For anyone who doesn’t know about the character of Gambit, he’s a mutant who has the power of bio-kinetic charging, which allows him to throw objects (such as playing cards) at a target and they explode. Besides having a unique power, Gambit is also a smooth talking criminal that was raised by a thieves & assassins guilds (think Elder Scrolls: Skyrim). So, if you and a group of friends were out drinking and you run into Gambit, chances are things would start out fine you would be drinking, telling stories, and getting to know each other. The drinks would keep rolling and the good times continue. You leave the bar and you realize, no one has their wallets, phones, and anything else left in their pockets. Gambit had swiped everything of value. You would be stranded with nothing but the shirt on your back and the shoes on your feet.

Also, he’s kind-of a douchebag. Like, he wears that weird headband thing and trench coat with knee high boots, and carries around a bow-staff. Everything about that outfit screams “I’m trying too hard to compensate for my inadequacies, and Donatello is my favorite Ninja Turtle.” (Shut up, toolbag. Nobody’s favorite Ninja Turtle is Donatello.) Seriously, give the guy a fedora, and 100% guarantee you he could be the president of the North American chapter of the International Douchebag Guild.

I stand corrected… he is already the president of the North American chapter of the International Douchebag Guild.

Then there’s the bio-kinetic charging we talked about. Pretty much everything in your apartment is in danger. “Hey Gambit, can you turn that lamp on?” BOOM! Bye bye lamp. “Hey Gambit, can bring me a beer from the fridge?” BOOM! Bye bye fridge, bye bye 12-pack of Yuengling you just bought. “Hey Gambit, can you get the cat off the table?” SPLAT! Bye bye Fluffy. You were such gentle, mildly-irritating friend. And the kicker… is that Gambit KNOWS he can do this! He knows that the s–t he touches is gonna so SPLODE, and yet HE DOES IT ANYWAY. What kind of a friend comes over to your house and blows up your lamp, refrigerator, and cat?! A terrible one, that’s what kind. And Gambit… he’s one of the absolute worst.

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Bill Clark

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